yest was lori's birthday. i was suppose to get her balloons but i fell asleep.. ahhh... some cousin i am. other then that went christmas shopping for my other cousin's tree. she fell in love with it while i'm slowly falling asleep.. =(

yesterday was a new day for me. despite what happen at connie's house. i think this is going really well for me. yet my guilt still haunting me. but it slowly fading. i can actually breath decently. not the best weather but its good enough for me. i gave up on alot of things. cried for no absolute reasons. listening to other voices more like feelings. but i tough it out somehow because i think it's best off that way. i don't agree on alot of things but whatever happens i guess it happening for the best. i guess i got my goal achieved. i was talking about my problem to my bf. she didnt really like the idea of what i'm doing but she stably and mentally support me no matter what. i guess i really didn't need alot in life. my bf made me smile bekuhz we joke on her boss alot. haha =) not in a bad way but not in a right way either. my little brother been causing problems for my parents lately. but i didnt really say much. i have no right too. kinda frustrating because i want to tell him what he says to them is really wrong. but that would be hypocritical of me because i was once like that and i know he uses it against me. sometimes i feel like i cant be a role of a older sister. my bf is sick. shes losing her voice. haha. she soo cute. blah have to go with my mom today to work. i hate it cuhz i cant do nothing out there. not even a big help and when my dad's around i feel even more uncomfortable. i wish i can help out my dad with his drinking problem but knowing me im soo useless. i cant even help myself with my problem. my mom lecture me yest. she told me that she just want me to be great. but to me it sounds like i'm the one at fault for our family's problem. all i can do is put my ears to listen and smile at her tell her i'm trying. but i guess it not enough. kinda hurts me that i'm killing them inside.. but it hurts me more feeling like i'm a burden.. other then that yest. feels beautiful! xp. i wonder how today is gonna b.